Golden Rule
Treat others as you would have them treat you: with respect, honesty, and dignity.
when we’re having trouble connecting with Empathy or Humility, sometimes the best thing to do is ask yourself “how would I want to be treated?”
Humans have a very keen sense of fairness, and if you treat people unfairly they’re likely to react badly.
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This seems like an old cliché, yet it is perhaps one of our oldest nuggets of wisdom. I seem to recall an entire book written about this simple rule. I think it’s deeply connected to our cognitive biases in that we have a strong sense of fairness and social balance and when that is not followed, there is the feeling of debt, of owning.
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This sense of debt is probably at the foundation of our entire economy, or at least at the heart of currency.
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But even at face value, this rule works. Don’t do things to people that you wouldn’t want them to do to you.
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It’s important to note, however, that in the details of an interaction, what you want may not be what the person you’re interacting with wants. A simple example of this is the idea of “love languages.” The idea is that different people see different kinds of actions as a signal of love. For me, being listened to is a sign of love; for my wife, doing little acts of service for her says “I love you.” Expand that out to all the different personalities and cultures and you need to start asking some Clarifying Questions before you know how someone wants to be treated.
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This rule works best with the big principles that remain true across cultures: respect, kindness, honesty, justice, liberty, forgiveness and so on.
Therefore:
Treat others as you would have them treat you.
If how you’re treating someone doesn’t seem to be working, ask some Clarifying Questions to figure out where the misunderstanding is